5 Years Ago....

5 years ago my world changed.

My husband and I, along with our 4 month old, 2 year old and 3 year old, had just moved to Mobile. It had been 4 days. We were building a house and had rented this little apartment until it was finished. I was excited to be planning our summer, with lots of visits to family around the state. The day before, Friday the 29th, we decided it would be nice to drive up and spend Father's Day weekend in June, with my dad. I was going to call him and let him know our plans. But you see, I normally only called once during the week and on Sundays. I didn't want to bother him so decided to wait until the next day.

I now know the Lord was prompting my heart continuously that day to call.

My phone rang that evening around 5pm as I was making Drew a bottle. It was my youngest brother. All I could think was, 'well it's about time you called me'. You see, we had not spoken in over a year.

But then I realized he was not calling to catch up. All I remember him saying, over and over, is "You need to come home....come home now."

He had found my dad collapsed on the bathroom floor that morning. He was already gone but my brother was able to get his heart beating again with CPR. He never started breathing again on his own.

By the time my family found my new number {my dad was the only one whom I had given it to} and called that night, the doctors had already determined that my dad had experienced a brain aneurysm. It had burst but his heart was still beating. Machines were breathing for him.

I have never panicked like I did at that moment. I realized that my brother was telling me my dad was going to die. There was nothing to change that. We had just began having a real relationship over the past two years prior and I was not willing to let that go. Never before had anyone close to me died...much less my Daddy.

In a hysterical rush we made arrangements for family on my mother's side to keep the kids while we went up to north Alabama. We dropped them at an exit off the interstate with my cousin and kept on driving. It still amazes me that I was so shook up I sent my 4 month old off! Looking back though, it was good for him not to be around the next few days.

The next day doctors ran a scan and found no brain activity. Watching my grandparents sit in that waiting room, hoping and praying there would be something on that machine....and then the devastation when there wasn't, was the hardest thing I've ever had to watch.

He was gone....at 50 years old.

Tomorrow will be 5 years since they unhooked my dad from life support. I consider the 30th the day he died, however. The first thing I said when walking in that room was 'He's gone'. You can tell....no amount of machines can change the fact that a soul has left this world.

My reason in sharing this is because I want a few things that I learned to help you.

First, if the Lord is prompting you- over and over and over- to do something, do it!!!

Imagine how much joy I would have gotten from talking to my dad the night before he died! Imagine his joy in knowing my family would spend Father's Day with him. But I ignored the urging...and missed out on that final conversation.

Next, if you do not have a living will, get one.

NOW.

It is so unfair to put your loved ones in a position of not knowing your wishes. Do you want to be kept alive by machines? Do you wish to be an organ donor? You can do a simple search online to find a living will. {This is different from a regular will} Print it, fill it out according to your wishes and have it notarized with your signature. Then make sure someone has a copy! No matter how young you are, it is a necessity. We all remember the Terri Shiavo case. It could have all been prevented with this simple piece of paper!

The Lord is in control. His timing is perfect. Always.

If you've lost a loved one that is hard to grasp. We ask things like 'why' and cry about it being 'unfair'. But all things are to bring glory to God- that answers the 'why'. Death is our punishment for sin and we will all die one day- that answers the cry of 'unfair'.

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalms 139:15~16